Don't Believe In Memory
by Toume Ummei
Summary: RoyEdward Yaoi Roy loses Edward, when Edward loses Al. How does the hardened colonel handle this, or will he handle it at all?


** ..::.. Don't Believe In Memory ..::..**

The day was dark and dreary, a greyish sort of mourning set against the white and purple clouds. The taste in his mouth was stale, and stank of coffee that was two hours old. And so strong he could have floated at least three horses in it.

"Colonel?" Riza said, breaking his concentration. Not that it was anything important he was concentrating on, it was the fact that he was concentrating.

"Yes Leiutenant?" He asked, his hands folded beneath his chin. Leiutenant Hawkeye cleared her throat, holding a stack of papers in front of her chest.

"Um, I have the report you asked for, the one on FullMetal?" She said, placing it neatly on his desk. Colonel Mustang nodded his head, waving Riza out of the office. She bowed her head gently before walking out, shutting the door tightly behind her.

Roy stared at the report blindly, his brown eyes focusing on a memory somewhere far off, where grey skies were a fascinating blue.

_..::.. Flashback ..::.._

_Roy shook his head, brushing the black hair gently from his eyes. The blonde haired man beside him grinned happily, munching on a strawberry._

_"Edward, pass me one of those would you?" Roy asked kindly, smiling at him. Edward grinned at his lover, grabbing a particularly juicy strawberry._

_"You want it?" He asked, toying with Roy. Roy smirked._

_"Yes. I do." He replied, leaning closer to Edward. Edward placed the strawberry teasingly between his lips. Roy smirked at his lover, before kissing him, taking half of the strawberry in his own mouth. He bit it off gently, so as not to bite Edward, then leaned back, chewing happily. Edward laughed, laying back, his arms crossed behind his head. He stared up at the white, pillow-like clouds above them. Roy did the same._

_"Do you think things will always be this way Roy? Easy for us?" Edward asked. Roy knew what he was talking about. The fact that they were both men, and both in the military, made their relationship not only one to be frowned upon, but something that certain people in the heirarchy could have considered blasphemous. _

_Roy sighed, rubbing his face tiredly._

_"I don't know Edward. I'd like it to. But I don't know." He said. Edward nodded his head, still staring up at the clouds._

_"But no matter what happens, you know I love you, right?" He said, turning his golden eyes to Roy's. Roy smiled._

_"Yeah. I do." He replied._

_..::.. End ..::.._

Roy shook his head once more, brushing his black hair from his eyes. It had lost the shine it once had, as did his eyes. Now, he was just a lifeless dog of the military again. His Edward was gone, lost to a government who hated them both, but needed the people skills the colonel had.

"I don't believe in memories anymore Edward." He whispered to the empty room, stacking his papers and shoving them in his desk. Nothing would get done with the way he felt right now. He pulled his jacket on over his blue uniform, placing his hat neatly on his head.

"Colonel? Are you alright?" Havok asked, accidentally bumping into Roy as he rounded the corner.

"No. I'm not. Is that all you have to ask me Havok?" Roy asked, and seeing the look of cluelessness on his face he continued, "Then I'm gone." He said, sweeping past him and out the door.

The long walk to the cemetary seemed almost a second long, and before he knew it, he was there again. The last time he'd been there, was the funeral. He hadn't stayed for the whole thing. Long enough to lay a rose and shed a tear, a tear that no one had seen, then he was gone.

"You're here again." Edward said, standing in front of his brother's grave as well. Roy nodded, his hat low on his eyes. He couldn't face Edward right now. He was the one who had gotten his brother killed. How could he face the man he loved, when it had been his fire that killed his brother?

"You know it was an order, right FullMetal?" Roy asked, speaking more than a word to Edward since his brother had died. Edward had been transferred to another part of the military, to a place far from Roy. When the Furher had found out about their relationship, he had been most disappointed.

Edward sighed, brushing golden hair from his golden eyes.

"I know." He whispered, kicking a rock aimlessly. "It doesn't heal the scars though." He added. Roy sniffed lightly, one tear falling free. Edward ran a hand over his face. Roy studied him. He looked older, even though he hadn't aged that much. There were lines on his face now, and he seemed to carry a dark weight.

"Edward?" A female voice asked. Winry was there as well, standing a few yards behind Edward.

"Just a moment Winry. I'll be there in a moment." Edward replied, waving carelessly behind him. Winry nodded, blonde hair obscuring her face.

Roy felt a stab in his heart as he saw Winry there. Had Edward truly turned his back on him?

"You know I love you still, right Colonel?" Edward whispered, his voice no more than a gust of wind. Roy felt his heart beat quicker than it ever had before.

"I don't believe in memories anymore FullMetal." Roy started, taking one small step towards Edward. "But I do believe in you." He finished, looking Edward directly in the eyes. Edward's eyes flickered, a dull light returning to them.

"I love you." He whispered, blowing a kiss upon the wind as he walked away.

"I know." Edward replied, turning his back as well, and walking back to Winry.

_'I may not believe in memories anymore FullMetal. But that doesn't mean I can't pretend.'_ Roy thought as he walked into his house, tossing his keys carelessly onto a table, that were followed by his hat and jacket. He unbuttoned his uniform coat and stood in the empty living room. It was grey, and blank. Just like his life now. But on the mantle stood a picture. A picture of two lovers beneath a blue sky, green grass beneath them, brown and golden eyes locked in a stare that could pierce eternity.

_'You know I love you?'_

_'Yeah. I do.'_

_

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I do not own these characters. I just wrote the story.


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